?

Log in

Previous Entry

3am

So its 3:50am. I can't sleep again. Seems to be a recurring pattern.

3:51a. I am always giving advice to others and hoping that what I say is right. It seems like the right fit for that person and they leave the conversation feeling better. If they don't feel better then I continue to feed them the advice I feel is right for them. Right for their pattern. I wake up each day not wanting to deal with my own issues but instead desperately seeking the people that need me. I think that's my purpose in this life. Helping others. I want to help others it makes me feel like maybe I'm not wasting my life.

I've been spending a lot of time with a friend that I never thought would be my friend. He says to me what my boyfriend doesn't. I think that's scary, intriguing and altogether thoughtful. He's a real gentlemen. I didn't know men of that kind still existed. He opens doors, lights my cigarettes, holds the umbrella...walks closest to the street. It's really surprising to have someone care about me like that. I'm always the one putting myself in those positions for others. It's a nice change. I can't get comfortable in my newfound position. It'll change I think. Or a new friend will come along for him. I don't want to be a burden.

3:58a. That feeling of wanting to be invisible has come back. Haven't felt this way in a long time but it makes me wish I could just escape and become the invisible woman. That would be a nice change.

Profile

peacefultorment
peacefultorment

Latest Month

November 2009
S M T W T F S
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
2930     
Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Tiffany Chow